My friend asked me about what I like and want and I just don't know. It is obvious that you just need to test the waters to begin to learn what you like. But I don't think I have that option. Opportunities are so few and far between that I don't really have the luxury to experiment. There aren't very many fish in the sea that I would be a match for, finding one out of the millions seems unlikely, finding a second after the last failed seems even more unlikely, and finding a third what the fuck are you looking for anyways. More often than not my approach is all wrong so the girl makes the decision. I have often jokingly said the reason I'm often just a friend is the fact that I don't make a move. Apparently there are some things I still have an old mentality towards but I don't follow through with it. I guess I don't have all the pieces together to be able to follow through. The modern seems to be get to know, meet, eat, sex, decide on relationship maybe over the span of two dates or something frighteningly short. You know like an episode of Seinfeld or How I Met Your Mother. Off topic Seinfeld is horribly awkward to watch and How I Met Your Mother is strange and the humor does not match mine. Their humor takes my definition of modern dating to one night stands and things that conflict with my "old mentality" so I just play along and watch... in some ways it is a fictional approach to the Maury show which is pretty fictional to begin with or everyone simply sleeps around and I missed the party. Back on topic.
I have only manged to cobble together a list of things I don't like after reflecting on the little experience I have. These things are not necessarily deal breakers but things that I don't care for. I won't make a list. It is for me to know and be picky about. One of my friends said I'm incredibly picky for someone who has so few options but I don't think I'm all that picky. I'm willing to meet someone who is nice to talk to or I have a lot in common with. How they look might be a mystery but conversation and mental compatibility does have great significance. I do have standards and I do have limits. I just really hope I don't end up in a situation where that is an issue.
I can't help but wonder about the ones I can't talk to... the ones that make me nervous and excited to say hi to. I know it's entirely superficial but I also don't think it is lust. Visually I want them to fit somewhere important and they aren't simply a source of stimulation and eye candy. It might actually be the same thing and I'm just stupid. I'll let you know someday if I ever get the chance.
Oh and no this has nothing to do with 2/14 true story attached below
