Anticipation

Yesterday was pretty exciting.
I am an introvert, I am socially awkward, I hate large groups, and social anxiety kicks in at the worst possible moments.  I can make an extensive post about all those subjects.  But start something online. Chat with someone new and make a small but decent connection.  Now that is something.  It beats finding deals online, it beats doing well in games, and be creative.  Actually it's the most exciting things I could possibly do online. I need to actually contain my excitement and anticipation to avoid coming off too strongly.

Meeting someone in person without the online pretext is crazy and honestly I don't have balls like that.  It's like refer to Lifehacker articles on small talk while miserably failing to fill the silence.  The idea is scary but actually meeting someone is exhilarating. I try to adjust my mentality to think positive thoughts, I tell myself not to over think things, relax, and I act as normal as I possibly can be so run with it. I know I will be weird there is a good chance I will see things as positive despite being an utter failure or I will subconsciously do things that are weird (tell me about it later so I can try to avoid it in the future).  More often than not I would be meeting women one on one and by most definitions that is equal to a date but it isn't... it's actually a hang out and I will set my mind to that. Awkward first then think about crazy things like dates later... actually lets not think about that.  But no matter how smooth or awkward it went I will think about it after and I would be quite happy about following through with that experience.  The only problem is it's hard to top the feeling the day after.

The point is the anticipation, the social, and the reflection on it after... I must have a repressed extrovert side because I might want that to happen more often. Well I like it even when it's an old friend... the high isn't as strong but it's still will be a highlight of my week!