Quiet

Have you ever just let things crash and burn?
When you embrace the quiet rather than fight to keep things active. When you look at your notifications or the flashing chat window for the sake of making it stop.  Or you just speak the bitter truth.

It's happening right now.

It seems like I was given an opportunity to question who I value to reflect on who I deal with and who I enjoy spending time with. You see I upgraded my phone, I could have done the same with much less cost.  I could have cleared out my text sessions or wipe my phone.  Instead I bought a used S4 as an upgrade to my S3 it wasn't a significant upgrade but I do feel the difference and the battery is better.
All my devices are set to sync with Google.  Bookmarks, settings, contacts, apps all get pushed over when I log on as myself. If calls were synchronized as well, it wouldn't matter because I just don't make that many calls.  What does would be texts and whatsapp type chats. I messaged a few people I like chatting with without very much luck and things are pretty quiet.  Nothing feels the same.

You may say I'm being melodramatic when I say nothing feels the same.  I wish that was the case but it doesn't. Conversations have been short and difficult; things have been far from natural. They talk about things I don't know, make things more important than they really should be, and if I spoke to you about things you don't know or care about you wouldn't want to respond either!

You will conclude optimistically this is a way to cull out the real friends and provide a chance to make new ones.  People who don't realize this and adapt to what I want are too focused on themselves to realize it. This is when I will call you an idiot.  I can come to the same conclusions you do and you're clearly just like everyone else.  Oh I think you should do this or that. You can make new friends!  Download an app to meet strangers, make new accounts on dating sites, join some exercise classes. Change it up right?  Get out there and meet new people and be active!  Be all that I am not! What kind of delusional suggestions are those?  I am awkward.  I am weird. My confidence was never here and I just follow routines to let the days go by. Not hopeless but there is a solid feeling of not looking forward to anything, packages from ebay simply do not do the trick.  I know when it feels like it's me versus the world the problem is within myself the same way a crazy man thinks everyone else has gone mad.  Soon I will feel desperate and lonely when my nonsensical mission complete. Perhaps I need that to feel like I can make something happen...